A few weeks ago, I asked my Facebook friends to let me know what things they’d like to see me rank at this site and boy oh boy did they provide. I divided the massive list into three broad categories – things I won’t be ranking, things I certainly would like to rank, and this list – the stuff that I could or might do but for various reasons receive “maybes” instead of “yes.” Once again, thank you to everyone for their suggestions. I’ve ranked these “maybe” suggestions by an arbitrary “feasibility” metric (0-10, 10 being most feasible). This doesn’t mean that something ranked at, say 13 has less of a chance of turning into a real list than something at 12.
Dante wrote three cantiche to his Divine Comedy. The most popular is Inferno, which features his character’s journey through hell and describes the punishments that various people – including some contemporaries of Dante – were suffering. The second and third chronicle his jounrey through purgatory and heaven. I think Inferno is by far the most popular because its fun to read about the awful punishments received by deserving people. With that in mind, I am aware that the “Maybe” and “Yes” lists might not be as interesting as the “No.”
34. Methods For Ranking Things
Suggested by: Rachel Weaver
Pros – I’m intrigued by this general idea. I spend a lot of time ranking things and this would lead me to put some serious thought into methods of ranking things.
Cons – I’m not sure what I would create with MS Paint to illustrate this list. Furthermore, I strive to be a completest and I suspect that the number of methods for ranking things is infinite. I’m not even sure where to start. Also, I imagine the criteria for ranking, say, students at an elite prep school and ranking one’s favorite brands of toothpaste are simultaneously very different and completely legitimate, so I’m not sure how I’d begin comparing them. It’s like comparing apples and oranges (though, for the record, Apples > Oranges).
Feasibility Index – 0.5 of 9 (infeasible)
33. Podcasts
Suggested by: Saira Rahmen
Pros – I am not very familiar with podcasts in general. I used to listen to Improv Nerd all the time (and, in fact, appeared on episode #136)and was also on The Maleko and Flash Podcast to promote Tony and Tina’s Wedding. So the pro here is it would give me a chance to catch up with this century. Furthermore, this seems like a very timely project that would be of interest to a lot of people. I could, however, possibly convert Podcast logos (if those exist) into MS Paint drawings. There are plenty of resources out there that would easily allow me to research this project, even if the scope is enormous.
Cons – I feel like, following my completest principal, that I would have to divide this into subcategories – like either “ranking episodes of a single podcast” or “ranking podcasts of this specific sub-genre.” Even with these subdivisions (“in the high school halls”), this seems like it would take up an enormous amount of time.
Feasibility Index – 0.7 of 9 (infeasible)
32. Short Form Improv Games, Ranked in Significance as a Metaphor for Life
Suggested by: Renato Ordonez
Pros – Short form improv games are the kind of scenes you’d see on Whose Line Is It Anyways. Renato gets me and knows that turning improv stuff into life metaphors is catnip for me. I would enjoy looking at different improv games and explaining how, for example, a naive game like Party Quirks represents the way we struggle every single day to figure out exactly what people are trying to tell us via linguistic and body clues. I could try to make MS-Paint images of famous improvisers.
Cons – This might be nigh-infinite in size because there’s so many short form games. Furthermore, I wouldn’t want to repeat myself, so this would also take an extremely long time per entry. I would need to first compile a list of short form improv games (see below) but my ranking would not be of the game, but of my own metaphors. I’m probably not the best qualified person to rank my own ideas – otherwise, I wouldn’t have selected “created a website where I rank things” over “find a project that makes some money” as a hobby. Were I to make MS-Paint images of famous improvisers, I would quickly run out of famous improvisers.
Feasibility Index – 1 of 9 (infeasible)
31. Short Form Improv Games
Suggested by: Tony Pisculli
Pros – This would be easier to do than the previous metaphor project. Maybe I could limit my list by making it “short form games performed on Whose Line Is It Anyways” or “short form games in the game encyclopedia we created while we were in Loose Screws” (I still have a digital copy of that). I could then do MS-Paint images of cast members of WLIIA or from Loose Screws.
Cons – I would want to have a video to illustrate each game, but I’d also want the video to help justify my placement of the game on the list. This is tough because some games that kind of suck (like “Sitting/Standing/Bending”) can be really funny sometimes while some games that kind of rock (like “Unfunny Scene”) can bomb big time. I like the higher risk games with the bigger payoffs, but those tend to be more hit or miss. Also, I’m worried that my friends from Loose Screws would not appreciate being turned into MS-Paint images.
Feasibility Index – 1.1 of 9 (infeasible)
30. Improv Long Form Formats
Suggested by: Aaron Pughes
Pros – Long Form formats in improv are generally shows that last about the length of a one act. While there are potentially an infinite number of long forms, the infinity of long form feels smaller than the infinity of short form. I could make this easier by dividing the list into some general broad categories of long form (genre work, narrative, Harold-based), which is feasibly but also requires overlooking the places where these forms overlap. I could also maybe follow up my “Shakespeare and I” list by ranking every long-form I’ve been involved in.
Cons – I’m not totally sure what I could draw on MS-Paint to illustrate this project. I’m also not entirely confident that I would be able to fairly rank certain shows without coming across like I’m putting the cast or director down. When I rank work by musicians, the goal is ultimately to celebrate their great work, even if it means acknowledging their bad work. In the case of the various long form shows I’ve been involved in, some people would inevitably be excluded from the celebration up at top. Not nice, Doyle.
Feasibility Index – 1.3 of 9 (infeasible)
29. Songs That Explicitly or Implicitly Reference Tolkien, Regardless of Musical Genre
Suggested by: David Aarested
Pros – This is a hilarious idea to me and one that would allow me to make infinite Tom Bombadil jokes. It also would allow to create a list that compared the artistic output of Leonard Nimoy with that of Led Zeppelin. I would enjoy the research aspect of this.
Cons – Unless there’s a database of non-genre specific music pieces connected in some way with Tolkein, I think I’d be unable to feel like I had a complete set of music to work with. I’d definitely want to include songs from the Rankin-Bass animated versions as well as from the Jackson films. Then there’s the songs they sing in the films and the score. What I’m saying is, I’d be annoyed if I didn’t find every single song that fell into this category. I could draw MS-Paint versions of the Rankin-Bass characters,
Feasibility Index – 1.5 of 9 (infeasible)
28. Pop Songs That Reference Beethoven, Either in the Lyrics or as a Music Sample
Suggested by: Ichina Parker
Pros – This is actually-maybe-possibly in the realm of the feasible. Maybe. It would allow me to create a list that compare the work of Eurythmics, Walter Murphy and Nas. I would also enjoy researching this.
Cons – I feel like this would have to put some hard boundaries on relative success levels of the the pop songs as well as some limits on the years the songs were produced – like “Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Pop Songs That Reference Beethoven, Either in the Lyrics or as a Music Sample, from 1970 through 2019” or some such. As with the previous category, I’d get annoyed if I didn’t find every single song that fell into this category. I’m not sure what I could draw with MS-Paint – maybe different images of Beethoven doing stuff?
Feasibility Index – 1.6 of 9 (infeasible)
27. Fried Chicken
Suggested by: Johnny Pastor
Pros – I would have an excuse to eat a lot of different fried chicken. I could use this to relentlessly critique Chick-Fil-A, the chicken that financially supports homophobic legislation – remember, every time you buy a chicken sandwich from there, you’re helping to dismantle LGBTQ rights in America! Enjoy! I could draw various logos of businesses that sell fried chicken.
Cons – Right now, I’m vegan for health reasons. I don’t really like friend chicken that much, so it’s not usually a top choice on my “cheat” days. I would need to put some strict boundaries on which fried chicken I rank – like “chain restaurants that currently exist in Hawaii.” I don’t really want to give Chick-Fil-A this much attention, even negative attention, because some people near negative things about a business, think “can’t tell me what to do” and then spend their money there because they care more about doing things out of spite than they care for their fellow human beings.
Feasibility Index – 2.0 (somewhat infeasible)
26. Pop-Culture Haircuts
Suggested by: Rachel Weaver
Pros – I am intrigued and wish to know more about what exactly this suggestion means. I would love attempting to draw haircuts on MS-Paint.
Cons – I have the sense that this could be an infinite list without some firmly established limitations, like “popular women’s haircuts of the 60’s” or what have you.
Feasibility Index – 2.2 (somewhat infeasible)
25. Airlines
Suggested by: Ichina Parker
Pros – I could draw airline logos on MS-Paint. There are a finite number of airlines (though I’m sure there are more than I imagine).
Cons – I’ve not flown on every possible airline in any category and certainly not recently. Probably better to just rank Airline logos.
Feasibility Index – 2.5 (somewhat infeasible)
24. Small Felines
Suggested by: Mike Mariani
Pros – I love cats and I would love drawing cats on MS-Paint.
Cons – As in like individual cats in my house? Or as in small wild cat species? Real or fictional? Just living, or do I include extinct? What about things that are called “cats” but are not actual felines like Hobie Cats for instance. Presumably no, since felines are specified in the suggestion, but I have to ask. I know my brain and this would be the rabbit (cat) hole to end all rabbit (cat) holes for me.
Feasibility Index – 3.0 (somewhat infeasible)
23. Large Felines
Suggested by: Mike Mariani
Pros – I love big cats and I would love drawing big cats on MS-Paint. This is clearer to me than small felines .
Cons – I have the sense that I’d end up having to rank like three different species of tigers and like 90 million different bobcat sub-species. This is an entirely different sort of endless rabbit hole for me.
Feasibility Index – 3.2 (somewhat infeasible)
22. Zeami Plays
Suggested by: Frank Episale
Pros – There appear to be only 12 plays definitively attributed to Zeami Motokiyo. They are Noh plays with masks associated with them and I could conceivably create an MS-Paint version of the masks or of ukiyo-e prints of the plays. I could subject you all to an endless stream of puns on “Noh.”
Cons – First, I’d have to read them. Second, I would want to rate them in a scholarly way since I was, for a time, ostensibly a scholar of Asian theatre. Third, I would want to rank them by standards that Zeami himself lays out in his treatises on Noh, which would require some significant rereading and pondering. Fourth, there’s potentially issues of cultural appropriation and, indeed, what business do I have of ranking Zeami’s works by my standards? Fifth, my readers might not be familiar with this genre which would force me to ask “what part of noh don’t you understand?”
Feasibility Index – 3.5 (somewhat infeasible)
21. Recordings of Elgar Cello Concerto by Different Cellists
Suggested by: Ichina Parker
Pros – How many of these could there possibly be? I mean, a lot, but it it’s feasible. I could presumably create MS-Paint images of different cellos.
Cons – I have zero ability to gauge whether any given performance of this concerto is decent or not. I don’t think my ignorance of this would be a complete impediment but it would render all of my rankings suspect – much like my opinion of “Cherish” by Madonna (#84) thew doubt on all my other opinions of her work.
Feasibility Index – 3.6 (somewhat infeasible)
20. Wagner Operas
Suggested by: Rebecca Stanton
Pros – Wagner only wrote 13 completed operas. I could create an MS-Paint image of a valkyrie or Bugs Bunny dressed as a valkyrie. I really should bone up on Wagner.
Cons – Brilliant musician, but unrepentant anti-Semite. Of course, so was Shakespeare. Furthermore, I’m barely familiar with Wagner – just “March of the Valkyrie” probably and this would, thus, require some serious research (more than just “boning up”). Furthermore, I lack the background to successfully analyze the quality of Wagner’s music vis a vis another piece of his music. My understanding is that Wagnerian opera are long.
Feasibility Index – 3.7 (somewhat infeasible)
19. All the Characters from the Memory Parasite Episode of Rick and Morty
Suggested by: Ichina Parker
Pros – I would finally be able to say I’d watched an episode of Rick and Morty. No doubt I could draw the characters with MS-Paint.
Cons – I’ve not watched an episode of Rick and Morty and, thus, I wouldn’t really know which characters have a greater history than that which I’d have seen in that episode. Thus, to rank them in a away that is respectful to the artists and fans, I’d need to at least watch all the episodes that led up to the one I’m working on. That seems unlikely to happen just because it would require me to watch something and currently I’m not really great at concentrating for that long.
Feasibility Index – 4.0 (somewhat infeasible)
18. 1980s Vampire Movies
Suggested by: Rebecca Stanton
Pros – I have opinions about the Vampire Movies I saw int he 80’s. It would be fun drawing some of the posters with MS-Paint. This is probably a reasonably finite category, especially if I put some limitations on it like “English Language Vampire Movies” or “Hollywood Vampire Movies” or “Vampire Movies that Grossed $x.”
Cons – How much mental real estate do I really want to lease to Fright Night? Or Beverly Hills Vamp? I’d certainly have to watch a bunch of movies and, as with any of the suggestions that involve watching stuff I haven’t watched, I’d run into the problem I’ve had lately where I watch the first five or ten minutes of something, say “that’s nice,” and then turn it off in search of different adventure.
Feasibility Index – 4.2 (slightly infeasible)
17. Movies Starring John Malkovich
Suggested by: Ichina Parker
Pros – This is a finite category and it is easy enough to get a complete list of all of his films. I could draw Malkovich on film posters on MS-Paint. I generally like Malkovich’s work, so this would not be entirely unpleasant.
Cons – My god is he prolific. I’d have to watch Johnny English. As with all film and TV related suggestions, I’m not sure if I would have the patience to watch one film, much less uku million films. He’d probably release another film just as I was finishing the list and then I’d be sorely vexed.
Feasibility Index – 4.6 (slightly infeasible)
16. TV Shows That You Have Watched.
Suggested by: Matt Chang
Pros – This one implies that I don’t need to watch anything new – I can just rank stuff that I have watched based on my memory of it. I could draw some iconic images related to those shows with MS Paint.
Cons – I believe that every time I would start working on this list, I’d remember a show I watched that I’d forgotten. Quark. Gemini Man. Salvage 1. Open All Night. Best of the West. I mean, I watched so much TV all the time growing up. Robin’s Nest. The Goodies. The Paul Hogan Show. My memory is Swiss cheese these days (Quantum Leap) so I would forget some shows, misremember other and misrepresent the rest. This might not be a bad thing.
Feasibility Index – 4.7 (slightly infeasible)
15. Stephen King Movie Adaptations
Suggested by: Tony Pisculli and also Ichina Parker
Pros – This is an easy set of films to identify so the research stage would be fast. I could draw some of the film covers in MS-Paint. Even the lousy Stephen King movie adaptations are, at worst, big dumb fun (Maximum Overdrive springs to mind).
Cons – Very few of the movies are actually good and I’d have to watch them all. Then there’s the whole genre shift thing – like how do you compare The Green Mile to Stand By Me or to any variation on Carrie? Or, jeez, to the Kubrick Shining? I could certainly go by the “which do I like better” metric that I normally use, but it feels daunting. As with the other media-related lists, I’d have to do a lot more watching movies than I may be capable of right now.
Feasibility Index – 4.8 (slightly infeasible)
14. Samuel L Jackson Movies That Made Less Than X Amount of Dollars
Suggested by: Ichina Parker
Pros – I could pick the “X” to exclude as many more successful movies as I’d like. I could draw MS-Paint versions of Samuel L. Jackson in different roles.
Cons – His filmography is… I mean… immense. If the movie barely made any money, the odds are good I haven’t seen it. This means watching movies. Which, as we’ve firmly established by this time, is a non-starter.
Feasibility Index – 4.9 (slightly infeasible)
13. All The Movies That Were #1 at the Box Office in X Year
Suggested by: Dominica Malcolm
Pros – There would be no more than 52 entries and probably quite a few less. Depending on the year, I may have already seen most of the top movies, which would mean I wouldn’t have to watch much. I could make MS-Paint images out of movie posters.
Cons – A cursory leap into google suggests that this is a bit harder to research than I imagined. I probably just need to think of the correct search terms. Also, I recall that I used to despise most of the top movies of any given year (partially because I’m a snob and partially because, I mean, some of them are just lousy). Also, watching films hard, etc. etc.
Feasibility Index – 5.0 (slightly infeasible)
12. Famous Internet Cats
Suggested by: Stephanie Wilson
Pros – I could draw the cats on MS-Paint. There’s some amazing cats online. This is probably a finite set.
Cons – Define Famous. I follow a whole bunch of cats that are famous to cat people (Fat Laila, people) but not famous among non-cat people (Lil Bub, Nyan Cat). Also, do we mean real cats? Real and fictional? Alive only? So many cats! So many questions!
Feasibility Index – 5.5 (slightly feasible)
11. MLB Mascots
Suggested by: Grant Shibuya
Pros – There are fewer mascots than hats and I’ve already ranked hats. I would get to draw the Phillie Phanatic on MS-Paint and that sounds like a ton of fun.
Cons – Gritty is an NHL mascot and would not be included on this list.
Feasibility Index – 6.5 (slightly feasible)
10. NFL logos
Suggested by: Grant Shibuya
Pros – This is relatively easy – as with baseball logos, the NFL logos are easy to find. They’d also mostly be easy to draw.
Cons – I’m pretty much done with the NFL. I miss football like crazy, but between the concussion business, the questionable hires, Dan Snyder and his team with the racist name (which would also be a huge pain to draw), and the rampant cheating, I’m not inclined to return to the NFL anytime soon. But boy oh boy, I’d like to. I’m vegan and I miss steak every day. I feel the same way about football.
Feasibility Index – 6.7 (slightly feasible)
9. Broadway Musicals
Suggested by: Carolyn Davis
Pros – I could easily write about Broadway Musicals I’ve Seen On Broadway (Sweeny Todd, Les Miserables, A Magic Show, The Lion King – that may be it). I could do MS-Paint images of the poster covers.
Cons – This seems like a very short list. If I expand it to “musicals that appeared on Broadway which I’ve seen in professional, community, or educational theater settings,” I’d run into the “can’t remember them all” issue as well as the “possibly offend people I know who were in them” issue.
Feasibility Index – 7.0 (slightly feasible)
8. All the Marvel Characters That Have Been on The Avengers (Comic Books and MCU)
Suggested by: Dominica Malcolm
Pros – I could draw the different characters on MS-Paint and they would probably be hilariously awful. Indeed, I could maybe create abstract versions of the characters that would be awesomely terrible. I’d get to write about some of my favorite obscure characters like Dr. Druid and Two-Gun Kid.
Cons – There’s a lot of them and the list is constantly growing. There’s a whole lot of more recent members that I don’t know at all, so I would maybe have to create the list based on how cool I think their costumes are or how dumb their names sound or something. There’s a lot of characters that appeared under different names (the original Ant-Man who also Goliath, Yellowjacket, Giant-Man, Dr. Pym and The Wasp) and sometimes multiple people were the same hero (four characters have been Ant-Man, for example) and this leads to some existential reflection. Then there’s the film universe.
Feasibility Index – 7.2 (slightly feasible)
7. Ben & Jerry’s flavors
Suggested by: Lane Bourn
Pros – I could draw the logos on the cartons of Ben & Jerry’s. I have certainly eaten enough of it in my life. In college and graduate school, when I had a little extra money, I would but a carton and eat the whole thing in one sitting. I used to love Phish Food, Cherry Garcia and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. I might be able to write about the flavors I loved from memory. I also really like the company.
Cons – Fails the diabetes test (as I’ve mentioned, I have diabetes) but I might not care, so this topic could potentially kill me. It would maybe be worth it.
Feasibility Index – 7.5 (slightly feasible)
6. The Top 20 Highest Grossing Movies of All Time
Suggested by: Dominica Malcolm
Pros – It is easy to get this information. I could draw MS-Paint versions of the poster images.
Cons – I have not seen a lot of these movies and it appears I’d need to watch the Minions movie to do this as well as two segments of The Fast and The Furious franchise. I… I guess I could but… They all seem like they’re pretty loud movies.
Feasibility Index – 7.7 (slightly feasible)
5. Sondheim Works
Suggested by: Lane Bourn
Pros – This is a solid suggestion of a finite list of pieces.I could probably find logos for the original productions and make MS-Paint images of those. I generally love Sondheim’s work.
Cons – I’ve never seen a single professional production of any of his shows live. I saw the bootleg of the Bernadette Peters’ Into The Woods that floated around on YouTube for a while and sobbed listening to her and Joanna Gleason sing and this would surely color my rankings. Essentially, I’d be ranking the soundtracks and not the musicals, which is not entirely inappropriate, but seems wrong.
Feasibility Index – 8.0 (feasible)
4. Airline Safety Videos
Suggested by: Dominica Malcolm
Pros – If I limited this to “funny safety videos,” I would have a decent finite list, but I’d need to do some research. If I did this and another Airline related list, I could recycle the MS-Paint airline logos.
Cons – I don’t really want to do the research necessary to do this. A couple of the “funny” videos are just painful to watch – like when Lieutenant Dan takes over for Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam.
Feasibility Index – 8.1 (feasible)
3. Rush albums
Suggested by: Frank Episale
Pros – This is not entirely unlike my singles project. I have thought about maybe doing some sort of album by album review for groups that aren’t really singles acts (like Pink Floyd, for example). I already have ways of attacking album covers using MS-Paint.
Cons – The thing that has stopped me from doing album lists is that I tend to write way, way too much about each album and I’d like to keep the lists manageable for readers. You guys that read this stuff invest a lot of time and I am already overly wordy. Still, the only real obstacle to this list is my inner world – which is very Rush-like.
Feasibility Index – 8.4 (feasible)
2. Rank All Your Rankings
Suggested by” J.W. Arsenault
Pros – I could do MS-Paint drawings of the MS-Paint drawings. Rankception.
Cons – This is doable, but I’d want to have a lot more things to rank. Also, Dan Kois does it better.
Feasibility Index – 8.6 (feasible)
1. Reel Big Fish Song
Suggested by: Aaron Pughes
Pros – This is sort of what I do.
Cons – I only really know one Reel Big Fish song. Of course, Aaron wrote this in the singular, so maybe he intended me to rank that one song. If that is the case, I rank “Sell Out” at #1. If he intended me to rank all their singles, that seems very do-able and I’d be interested. I have a bunch of other bands I’d like to look at first.
Feasibility Index – 8.9 (feasible)
Coming Soon: The Yes List.