(Originally published in April 2020 as 71-79 – See explanation below)
Welcome to Season 3 of According to Doyle. If you are just joining us, feel free to read the About This Project page for information about what else I’ve ranked (and am going to rank) here as well as statements about hubris and my cat. All songs here are ranked based on the guiding principle of “do I like each song more than the last song?” No science was harmed (or employed) in the creation of these lists. I welcome editing feedback because Doyle brain too fast for Doyle fingers.
I can honestly say that I have a been a fan of The Pretenders since their first album. In 1980, Casey Kasem started hosting a TV Show called America’s Top Ten and I saw an early episode (maybe the first episode?). This was a big deal to me because we didn’t get cable in my town until well after I was out of high school, which means I didn’t have MTV. My video options were Friday Night Videos (starting in 1982) and Kasem’s show. I’m unsure if I’d ever seen a music video before I watched this show.
Anyhow, I vividly recall seeing Paul McCartney’s “Coming Up” (though I didn’t get the visual jokes at the time) and, to the point, seeing and hearing The Pretenders’ “Brass in Pocket” for the first time. Even at age 11, I got the joke of the backing vocalists singing the word “special” and pointing at the word “special” on the menus in the video’s restaurant. I was hooked on videos and on the band.
Much in the same way that The Cure is essentially Robert Smith (and usually Simon Gallup), The Pretenders is essentially Chrissie Hynde (and often Martin Chambers). Since this is the case, I’ve chosen to include solo work by Hynde as well as songs on which she’s the featured vocalist on this list. I scoured through Wikipedia and Discogs for any song that might have been a single or a promotional song with her involvement. As a result, I have identified 73 tunes that I think can accurately be considered singles for the sake of my list. Hello from 2025! No, we’re not doing that. This sort of thing made the lists too long for me to enjoy doing. We’re going with the 55 singles identified at Wikipedia. Accurate? Debatable. Managable? Hell yes.
Also, we should get this out of the way immediately. The Pretenders’ absolute greatest song of all time – “Mystery Achievement” – was never a single. My research suggests it was never even a B-Side. I know, right? Anyhow, since this is the bottom of the list, if you have not previously listened to The Pretenders and want to know why I love them so much, listen to that track first. It’s going to be a few weeks before we get to the REALLY good stuff.
Let’s get right into it. (Hello from 2025! Ha ha!)
(NOTE – the original version of this section was published to According to Doyle on April 12, 2020. Since that time, The Pretenders have released 5 more singles from their upcoming Hate for Sale album. While they may well released more, I paused completing this list and have expanded this section from 71-73 to 71-78)
(NOTE – Since that note, The Pretenders have released 3 more singles from their 2023 Relentless album and one of the 5 singles I identified from Hate for Sale turned out to not be a single. Tra La! Let’s do this before they release more albums)
56. Kid (Remix)
Stand Alone Single released to support their greatest hits package The Singles (1987) but not included on that album, released as a single in 1987
Ok, so, I guess this remix of “Kid” (with this demo version of “Stop Your Sobbing” on the B-Side) was done by Bob Clearmountain – who had been producing The Pretenders’ work in the late 80’s – and was aimed at updating the sound for that decade. Now, when I wrote about The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me ’86” (#28), I mentioned that the best (and worst) I could say about it was that it was inessential. In contrast, I think this remix is kind of a glossy travesty – especially with what it does to Martin Chambers’ drumming. Allegedly (and this is getting into the weeds a bit), Clearmountain used something called a triggering sampler to achieve a specific drum sound. He would feed the original drum track through this thingy (that’s an abbreviation for the technical term “thingamabob”) and those drums would “trigger” a 80’s style 16-bit drum sample. Basically, you have Chambers drumming with a layer of Linn drum or some such added to make the sound more late-80’s radio friendly. I mean, ick. I don’t mind this “sheen” on their late 80’s era songs because it sounds native (if that makes sense) but it really feels imposed on this track. Perhaps this is the reason this remix didn’t find its way onto The Singles collection it was promoting – the original version was already on that record, and this remix does not in any way top it.
55. Loving You Is All I Know
Single from the soundtrack to the film The Other Sister (1999), released as a single in 1999
There is a grand history of songs that contrast the singer’s supposed ignorance with the depth of their love – I’d like to highlight Same Cooke’s “What A Wonderful World” and XTC’s “Mayor of Simpleton” as two well-loved examples. “Loving You Is All I Know,” penned by celebrated songwriter Diane Warren, is a worthy entry in this tradition. A minor hit when it was released, “Loving You Is All I Know” features an especially excellent vocal by Chrissie Hynde – particularly as the song reaches its crescendo. Granted, this particular vein of adult contemporary pop is not especially my cup of tea, but taken totally out of context, this song would probably have found its way to the middle of my list. What knocks it down to the bottom, however, is the context. The Other Sister is a romantic comedy about a differently abled young woman and, in this context, the song’s lyrics seem kind of reductive to me. The movie is about a young woman with intellectual disabilities who, over the course of the film, proves she has the agency and ability to make her own choices. The lyrics of the song, on the other hand, seem more focused on helplessness and inability to lean beyond emotions (ironically, the point of view the oppressive mother in the film, not the titular other sister). You are welcome to love the song out of context (or, heck, even in context) if you’d like, but I just can’t.
54. If There Was a Man
Second single from the soundtrack to the film The Living Daylights (1987), released as a single in 1987
The Pretenders contributed two songs to the soundtrack of The Living Daylights. Both were released as a singles (as was A-ha’s title theme). “If There Was a Man” played over the closing credits of the film and I can’t deny that it has that “closing credits of a Bond film” vibe going for it. It’s a bit like some of the other “I’m a woman singing about how thirsty I am for James Bond” songs in the 007 catalog, so it fits right in. It is appropriately overwrought, has the requisite languid pace and extols her feelings for the exquisitely generic secret agent man. Why does she hunger for him? We don’t know, but she’d wait a million years for somebody like him. I mean, seriously, it’s a perfect James Bond love song. Time and again, the character walks into a room, a beautiful woman tries to kill him, and seventeen minutes later they’re in bed smoking cigarettes. Why did she go from wanting to kill him to sleeping with him? Because he’s James Bond. What does that mean? It means he’s James Bond, baby. So yeah, the song nails that.
53. Saving Grace
Third single from Loose Screw (2002), released as a single in 2003
“Saving Grace” has an unusually (for Chrissie Hynde) cliche lyric. I want to stress that this is not normal for Hynde’s lyrics – far from it, one of the things I like about her work is that she generally turns left when everyone else says “don’t turn, there’s a building there.” Then she knocks down the building with her truck, and everyone has a party. I can’t venture a guess as to why 2002 seemed to be a year where she employed more cliche turns of phrase in her lyrics (a couple of the other tunes from Loose Screw suffer from the same ailment) and I wonder if she was challenging herself to write differently (in which case, rock on, good for her). One thing I do really like about “Saving Grace” is the backing vocals on the chorus – as I’ve been listening to the songs which I’ve ranked low on this list, I always find myself singing along.
52. I’m Not In Love
Single from the soundtrack of the original motion picture Indecent Proposal (1993), released as a single in 1993
Cover of a song originally written and recorded by 10cc
When 10cc band members Eric Stewart and Graham Gouldman first brought “I’m Not In Love” to their fellow members, Kevin Godley and Lol Creme, it was not well received. In fact, Godley hated it so much that he proposed the only way to make it work would be to create an all-voice wall of sound. The resulting track turned out to be both innovative and an enormous hit for the band. Stripped of that wall of sound for Indecent Proposal, it’s just not as interesting a song to me. Chrissie Hynde has an amazing voice and there was a stretch of time in the 90’s where she was being asked to guest in on seemingly everything (check out “Spiritual High” by Moodswings for one particularly excellent example), so that’s hardly the problem here. I fact, I’d love to hear an all-Hynde’s voice wall of sound version of this song. This version is just kind of bland to my ear.
50. Time (Junior Vasquez Mixes)
Third single from Loose Screw (2003), released as a single in 2003
Junior Vasquez has a long and stories history as a DJ, producer and remixer. Check out his Wikipedia link for a summary of his major work – it’s really impressive. “Time” – from Loose Screw – is certainly a track appropriate for a remix, but if I’m being completely honest (and why should I be anything else? Why even use that phrase?), I’d likely have ranked this track MUCH higher if it had been the album version and not the remix. It works great as a four-minute track and the melodic hook of the chorus (“Gimme some time, etc.”) has major earworm potential. The remix, I think, puts the emphasis on the wrong place for me – I am sure I would appreciate it if I was young enough to club (or had even been young enough to club in 2003), but as it stands, I don’t especially dig endless mellow dance beats when I’m driving around town. I need two to four minutes of pop/rock magic, man.
Coming Soon: Some covers, some soundtrack songs, etc.
The Pretender’s Singles Ranked – 51-56 –41-50 –31-40 – 21-30 – 11-20 – 1-10
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